1. It’s A Number’s Game
When you’re a newbie, you should see your successes as a numbers game. The reason behind this is because you aren’t going to be good starting out. You’re going to really suck (for the most part). You may even creep a few girls out as well but don’t worry about it, we all went through that phase. Most girls aren’t going to be into you sexually because you’re going to be completely un-calibrated plus your social skills aren’t going to be as sharp yet.
Your first few successes will be mostly “YES” girls. These are girls that are already into you either because of your looks, status, or arousal levels (buying temperature). Most of the time, these girls aren’t going to be the most attractive but that’s okay, you gotta start somewhere. You may even get lucky and get a gorgeous girl you’re really into. When you become better in your social game, it becomes less of a numbers game and you will start successfully attracting “MAYBE” and “NO” girls.
Even if you’re a newbie starting out, I recommend that you still approach the gorgeous girls on a consistent basis. Get comfortable with approaching every type of girls especially the 5 star girls that you’re really interested in. Once you go down this journey, truly commit to the process. So, even if you can’t convert the hottest girls at the moment still try. If you stay persistent, something will eventually click and the success will follow.
2. Don’t Judge Yourself
Don’t judge yourself so harshly but criticize yourself honestly. A lot of my students judge themselves way too harshly when they get rejected by a girl. Sometimes to the extreme degree of self-loathing. Beating yourself up doesn’t do anything for most new guys starting out. This is why I recommend being critical about your game and not your identity. A stronger you will come out but in due time. You’ll start to build a stronger character with the strong actions you take. So, for a new guy, focus on taking the right action when you’re out there approaching girls. If you get too caught up in your identity it will fuck you up.
If you want to successful focus on these three questions when you’re reflecting on your game.
- What I did I do correctly?
- What I could I improve on next time?
- What applicable things could I do next time to make the outcome in my favour?
This brings me into why I highly recommend writing field reports after going out and approaching girls. If you’re an active social guy I recommend picking up a small note book to bring with you when you’re going out there to approach girls. Make sure it’s small enough to put in a pants pockets or coat pocket. Write down all of the lessons you learnt while approaching girls. Write down everything. Every single thing. Spend at least an hour after you’ve been approaching girls to reflect on the night. Make sure to answer the above questions too. If you find that bringing a notebook is too much of a hassle, download a smartphone app called Evernote to write down your field reports. If you truly are serious about your progress in regards to cold approaching, writing field reports are the fastest way to get you to the next level.
3. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
When you’re comparing yourself to other guys you become less affective. You stop being proactive and become reactive. Everything you do is in reaction to what the other person’s doing. You stop focusing on yourself and you start focusing too much on other people. You should be focusing only on your own progress even if it’s less than the other guy’s. Ultimately, when the focus is on yourself, you focus on your own sticking points and your strengths.
You’re in the dating game for your own reasons. Forget about the validation from others because it’s worthless. The only people you’ll be impressing are other guys. That road holds you back. You’re not in the game of impressing guys, you’re in the game of getting females. Validation does nothing but inflate your ego and creates this false image of yourself that becomes too much work to manage. It’s energy consuming.
Focus on the reason why you’re in the dating game. Sit down write down why you’re learning social dynamics. Once you write down why you’re trying to improve your dating life, only focus on things that are going to get you to that point aka your goals. If validation seeking isn’t on the list, discard it. Only do things that encourage the progression of your self improvement. Focus on the real objectives.
4. Internalize That This Is Now A Part of Your Life
Stop looking at cold approach pick-up as something you do on the side. Start internalizing the idea that approaching women on a daily basis is something that’s apart of your lifestyle. Start viewing yourself as a socially savvy guy that’s social with girls, not a pickup artist. The main problem with newbies is their identity based pickup persona. You aren’t what you do. You pick-up girls but you aren’t a pickup artist. You are just a man who approaches girls. Pickup isn’t what we are, it’s what we do.
Internalize the idea that socializing with girls is just a normal part of your life. Socializing with girls should just be a thing that just naturally occurs when you see an attractive girl you want to talk to. If there’s an attractive girl that you see at the bus stop, approach her. You shouldn’t have to wait to go to a nightclub to talk to gorgeous girls and get numbers. Stop viewing cold approach pickup as a “job” per say but as a way of life.
5. Approach As Many Girls As Possible – 10,000 of Mastery
If you’re a new guy reading this, I want you to focus on mastering approaching girls on demand. I want you to focus on mastering the will power to approach any girl without hesitation. Most guys skip this step because they want to get to a certain level so bad that they fail to build a strong foundation when they try to acquire good game. Most of these guys get trapped into the problem of becoming too picky when they approach girls. They over think everything and fail to take action. Ultimately, they lose out on a lot of opportunities because skipped out on the fundamentals.
But to get back to the recommendation, I recommend focusing on approaching a large volume of girls with the focus of staying in the interaction for a long as possible. When you focus on staying in the interaction for a long as possible you start learning how to create quality interactions with women. Plus, once you learn how to keep an interaction going, the results follow. You’ll learn how to get more instant dates, and etc. Quality always comes first.
To get to a level of mastery, you need to get to 10,000 hours of deep practise. When you’re getting to 10,000 hours of deep practise, you’ll start to see all the principles you’re learning now will help you build leverage into expanding your skills later. When you’re going out there and approaching girls mentally engaging yourself in the interaction. Get immerse in the interaction. After you’re done from a night (or day) of going out make sure to spend an hour writing field reports.
6. Shut and Listen – Always Have A Student Mentality
Never get to a point where you think you know everything. The book I was referring to in the podcast was Zen Mind, Beginner Mind by by . I really liked this book because it’s extremely relevant to cold approach pick-up. The main take away in the book was always have an open mind when it comes to ideas and knowledge. Be willing to try new things. The only way you’re going to become better and progress your social skills is to try new things. There will be moments where you’re going to have to implement new ideas to get to the next stage of your development. So, while you’re a newbie now, get use to the art of having a student mind. Don’t let your ego get into the way of your learning. Be like water… always changing.
7. Your Main Focus Should Just Be Approaching Girls
This has to probably be the most important rule for new guys. Focus on the will power to approach girls at any time. It doesn’t matter if it’s during the night or day, the mall or subway, build the will power to approach at any time. I know I mentioned this before but this is a very important point for new guys. Approaching is the first and major step for a successful dating life. Once you have this area down, everything else will come after. If you can’t approach the girl in the first place everything else means nothing. You have to jump into the pool before you can swim, you can’t swim without jumping into the pool.